he called me beloved

                                      HE CALLED ME BELOVED

    I’ve always known him, not really I just knew he existed. He was part of my childhood but I guess I never really understood who he was to me. Some days he was the big creature that would punish anyone that made me cry, other times he was the one that took care of me. I obviously knew the whole Jesus story; I grew up with that story. The whole issue of how Jesus took lashes for our lashes and nails for our nails and how he paid the price for everything BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then I would cry for long hours after hearing the stories because I was sure that the suffering I imagined could not compare to what he had actually suffered. But then as a child I taught as a child. Eventually I grew up putting away all my childhood fantasies and behaviors.

       Growing up I lost track of my faith. I kind of threw it to the gutters because I wanted more than being obedient. I wanted to see the world and test the waters. I was a teenager after all, that was our nature. I’m sure God understands. I wanted a story and an adventure. I knew there was still God, I just saw him as a stern father and I was the rebellious child as it always was in movies. I only acknowledged him when I was in some serious shit.

       My life has never been depressing so I had no reason to be angry with GOD. Yeah sure, I had dead friends and family members, I had seen broken bones and all, close friends move away, never to be seen again but I am as always, unaffected by these things. I never seem to want to cry so I’ve never really needed strength. Never needed to acknowledge GOD.

             I never knew when the spirit of depression creep into, never understood how I could get angry and sad after a few minutes of laughing with my friends. I didn’t understand what was happening to me so in my bid to adapt, I would keep myself and my friends happy but in the end when I am alone, I would be  so depressed, that I would start crying.it wasn’t pretty at all. I was a mess, I felt like I carried all the problems of the world but not once did I contemplate suicide so I didn’t understand what it was it was so frustrating. Sometimes I would get so frustrated I would cry so much. So I prayed and nothing happened, I thought this to be GOD’s punishment to be for my disobedience, that I would live with this forever. I never put a name to it until after a sermon I heard in school but I didn’t think GOD would heal me. So I decided to start from the beginning. Begin my walk with GOD again.

          First thing I went after was love. I wanted to understand love so I searched and searched till I found something to hold on to. I was so full of questions and I searched for more till I felt like my body would explode so I decided to put my thought in writing  and I wrote finding my first love. as if that wasn’t enough I stumbled on 2^nd cor 12 vs 9-10 in a Karen Kingsbury book. So I read it and I can promise you that I’ve never been so flabbergasted (permit me as I can find no word to describe how I felt)

2 Cor 12:9-10

9 and then he told me, my grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.

10 Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size — abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 

(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

 So I took Paul’s advice. I have never been so enlightened in my life. Because then I realized that until I was weak I never thought I needed him. It was in my weakness that I found his strength. I received another bombshell when I read 2^nd Cor 4:8-9. That was when I realized that God never abandons. You may feel left out or beaten and battered but God always gives you something to hope on. He gives you life.

2 Cor 4:8-9

8 As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do,

9 but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.

(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

     I understood that despite all my problems and my disobedience, when I come to him he takes it away and transforms me for him. He never promised that my life would go smooth. There would always be the storms, the critics, the snorts but he promised his grace to us and he promised his presence to us and he called us belved even in our sin. How can we not love him.