Alert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve uploaded chapter two of my book on Wattpad. To read my book, visit Wattpad.com and search for lazzylog or go to my Google+ page and check out the link or check. I was listening to Joyce Meyer’s story today and I was like WOW. That must have been tough. I can’t say I know how she feels. But im happy she’s recovered. Some people go through life never knowing peace because of something that happened in their past and keeps hunting them. But here is the story of a woman who despite all forgave her father who she said and I quote “raped me more than 200 times before I turned 18.” If you haven’t heard her story and you feel a certain form of shadow from your past following you. Then check on YouTube for it and listen intently as she tells you she did it. It’s a touching and captivating life story. It’s something you have to listen to. Next week I will upload a couple of pictures I saved from my google+ page. I think them hilarious and stupid. I wonder what you would think????????????

from my book 'HUNTER'

Everyday till now I have the same dreams that that fill my night and prod my mind in the day and I can’t seem to understand what it means and yet I feel so at ease and so comfortable with it. I know it’s from my past, my life before but I don’t want to remember it. This is my home and anything that was behind is past and not to be thought about at least that is what I’m told. I want to believe that but this nightmares keep gnawing at me telling me of her Importance and I want to treasure her because she is my only link to my past which I have no knowledge of. This has been my only home but this strange place that fills my mind seems so familiar and so real. Somehow it is of importance in ways I may never know. Yet as a dream this strange place calls to me to avenge for it. What I am to avenge I have no knowledge of. But I must keep this to myself until I have a further understanding of what this is. Maybe it is my destiny or maybe not. But I must rest, sleep again and dream of this place maybe in time I will uncover all of its secrets. And then I will know of my history and past life and I will avenge for this strange place that calls for my help. It’s raining like it always does at the beginning of my dream but this time I can hear the sound of the rain on the rooftop, smell and taste the fear and anxiety of everything. It’s like I’m here, only nobody can tell of my presence. I am safe and dry but I am younger probably eleven or twelve and I see this man telling me to run and hide from some shadow that pursue us both and next I’m in a small space and I hear screams and gunshots and I’m crying silently and praying. Then I’m suddenly back at the house but this time my weeping is louder and there is blood the familiar scent of fresh blood that has guided my intuition but the blood is not mine. I am weeping at a man’s feet and I realize that it is that it is the man that told me to run and it always ends there before I wake up. His connection to me is unknown only this time my dream is longer. This time he looks at me and smiles and hands me a locket and I hear him whisper “I love you son, now run. I want you to look for James, he will protect you”. I hear myself cry and it seems all too real and now I awake into familiar surroundings and I see my bunker and my weapons. I remember my dream and realize that I’m in tears. I must find my history, discover why I was running and who killed my father and do to them what I do best. Kill them.

Wow, can’t remember the last time I was caught blogging, anyways I’ve been offline for a while but in that time I have gone closer to the Holyspirit we now have a relationship and it’s been awesome. In a few weeks I’ll write a review on this awesome Kenneth. E. Hagin book that really helped me. That’s once im through with it. My partner have had some seriously strained contact for a while and I miss her. Anywaiz I Joined Wattpad like a few weeks ago and just decided to fully participate in it. So im first of all officially announcing that I am in chapter 3 of my first serious book and im posting it on Wattpad. I would try as much as possible to update weekly. I would post an excerpt from it in my next entry which I hope would be a few days away.

Came up with a poem

I came up with so many different poems, would be sharing them daily. Here's a Quatrain poem
Twas a beautiful morning sun
piercing through my soul
oh what a beauty, I proclaimed!
that made my heart whole.

MY REVIEW ON THE PENNY BY DEBORAH BEDFORD AND JOYCE MEYER

 

     I had no hopes or expectations as I found the book in fact I read it because it was a Joyce Meyer book and I like Joyce Meyer. I personally love books told by a character because I get to read about a character’s intense opinion. I get to view life through his/her eyes. It shows how God could prove his presence and love through little things we may not be aware of. Miss McShaw and Jenny were in so many ways alike. None of them could have realised that but for that penny. That almost invisible penny that caused a chain of events that changed her life. Jenny was a girl abused in all aspects of life and having to deal with an angry sister and an intuition to protect her friends from what she suffered. She was a child too young to be broken. One who had not seen any beauty in life.  Miss Shaw was not too far away. She had suffered several abuses from her mother and had her hand cooked (literally by her mum). She had found Christ, found grace and healing but she was holding unto shame and guilt. Jenny found her way to salvation and with each penny realisation dawned on her how much she meant to God but in the tough times, times when she saw her dad slip into her room she lost it. The pennies didn’t matter. Nothing did but as she took a look at Miss Shaw’s scarred hand. She couldn’t hold unto the pain and all the years of fear came out in a few hours of shared secrets. God wasn’t through with her; he thought her strength through Garland a young boy. He thought her to trust as Garland trusted her, love as Garland loved her and to hold unto him as Garland clung to her. Her connection with this people changed her life. Garland’s healing was the last straw. It was all it took for her to find her faith and then as everyone gave her pennies, pennies for the hope she gave them, pennies for the act of love she showed them. All her father’s hurtful words seemed meaningless all of it had lost its taste. For a Christmas gift she gave her dad a penny he couldn’t understand but she made him understand. Her penny was the beginning of hope and she wanted her father to start afresh. He had never been so dumbfounded as the day his wife and daughters stood up to him and moved out. They learnt forgiveness in so many ways. While Miss Shaw learnt to let go Jenny learnt to hold unto the one who showed her the penny. This book I would recommend for any going through abuses any one with so much low self-esteem ,anyone trying to understand what a relationship with God meant. Anyone trying to find hope or looking for someone to cling to.

he called me beloved

                                      HE CALLED ME BELOVED

    I’ve always known him, not really I just knew he existed. He was part of my childhood but I guess I never really understood who he was to me. Some days he was the big creature that would punish anyone that made me cry, other times he was the one that took care of me. I obviously knew the whole Jesus story; I grew up with that story. The whole issue of how Jesus took lashes for our lashes and nails for our nails and how he paid the price for everything BLAH BLAH BLAH. Then I would cry for long hours after hearing the stories because I was sure that the suffering I imagined could not compare to what he had actually suffered. But then as a child I taught as a child. Eventually I grew up putting away all my childhood fantasies and behaviors.

       Growing up I lost track of my faith. I kind of threw it to the gutters because I wanted more than being obedient. I wanted to see the world and test the waters. I was a teenager after all, that was our nature. I’m sure God understands. I wanted a story and an adventure. I knew there was still God, I just saw him as a stern father and I was the rebellious child as it always was in movies. I only acknowledged him when I was in some serious shit.

       My life has never been depressing so I had no reason to be angry with GOD. Yeah sure, I had dead friends and family members, I had seen broken bones and all, close friends move away, never to be seen again but I am as always, unaffected by these things. I never seem to want to cry so I’ve never really needed strength. Never needed to acknowledge GOD.

             I never knew when the spirit of depression creep into, never understood how I could get angry and sad after a few minutes of laughing with my friends. I didn’t understand what was happening to me so in my bid to adapt, I would keep myself and my friends happy but in the end when I am alone, I would be  so depressed, that I would start crying.it wasn’t pretty at all. I was a mess, I felt like I carried all the problems of the world but not once did I contemplate suicide so I didn’t understand what it was it was so frustrating. Sometimes I would get so frustrated I would cry so much. So I prayed and nothing happened, I thought this to be GOD’s punishment to be for my disobedience, that I would live with this forever. I never put a name to it until after a sermon I heard in school but I didn’t think GOD would heal me. So I decided to start from the beginning. Begin my walk with GOD again.

          First thing I went after was love. I wanted to understand love so I searched and searched till I found something to hold on to. I was so full of questions and I searched for more till I felt like my body would explode so I decided to put my thought in writing  and I wrote finding my first love. as if that wasn’t enough I stumbled on 2^nd cor 12 vs 9-10 in a Karen Kingsbury book. So I read it and I can promise you that I’ve never been so flabbergasted (permit me as I can find no word to describe how I felt)

2 Cor 12:9-10

9 and then he told me, my grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.

10 Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size — abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 

(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

 So I took Paul’s advice. I have never been so enlightened in my life. Because then I realized that until I was weak I never thought I needed him. It was in my weakness that I found his strength. I received another bombshell when I read 2^nd Cor 4:8-9. That was when I realized that God never abandons. You may feel left out or beaten and battered but God always gives you something to hope on. He gives you life.

2 Cor 4:8-9

8 As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do,

9 but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.

(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

     I understood that despite all my problems and my disobedience, when I come to him he takes it away and transforms me for him. He never promised that my life would go smooth. There would always be the storms, the critics, the snorts but he promised his grace to us and he promised his presence to us and he called us belved even in our sin. How can we not love him.

UP NAIJA UP!!!!!!!!!

finally,AFCON finals is finally over, there was the anticipation, the prayers and the hopes. it was exciting watching Nigerians glory in their victory.it was amazing.its been 19 years since our last win and this one has caused a lot of faith in the Nigerian system. It was epic. i loved watching every bit of it. Seeing us with the cup was soo......

Lets talk Football

So everyone is waiting for Sunday the 10th of February 2013,for the highly anticipated football match in Africa at the moment (African Cup of Nations Final) between Nigeria and Burkina Faso.The main reason why this football match is so important to Nigerians is because of the fact that we've not won any "sensible" football competition in a very long while and we actually gave up on them at a particular point and now they've proven to us that they can actually do better.So we wait being optimistic about the competition and hope we win so as to prove to other countries that we're actually "That Good".All we can do now is pray and hope they won't disappoint us this time around and also cheer the footballers up so that they can be in the right mood when playing.Anyway that's all for now...............................

Lets talk about Fashion

Let's talk about fashion,I believe fashion is expressing yourself.It reflects your attitude,shows the world the real you,what you wear describes who you are.If you wear a particular clothe because someone else wears it,it shows that you don't have a confident attitude,you don't feel that you can come up with your own style.I believe that people should wear what they are in the sense that it shows the world who they really are and not only makes them comfortable but brings out their confidence.Good Night.....

my family+me+sites at obudu cattle ranch in naija

naija movies and their different ideas about life
in a movie a king said "  Great men don’t seek the destruction of the source of their greatness" in another a murderer said "      If you don’t want a con man to con you, you want him to kill you"

          I just finished an article and then I wondered what to write about next for in my short time of writing I have filled my pages with all the emotions I could think of and I didn’t exactly feel very loving at that point in time so in few words I was blocked and just then with the help of a feeling of apprehension and worry I realized that I could write out my emotions without explaining it in its truest form so in a haste I named it man’s greatest worries. The problem was I didn’t know what man worried about most. I knew my worries but thinking for others was such a huge job. I considered various possible options including money, security, health and even insurance but all of it boiled down to one thing, choice.

      Don’t put it down before you hear me out, every day you have to choose to do these or that and at those times either consciously or not you wonder whether or not you’ve made the right choice, whether or not it will end well, whether you are right or wrong and even though you’ve lost faith in Santa and don’t believe in wishes you still want to see how your choices would end up even before you’ve decided. For a gambler the worry about choice is his usual expertise because he has to literarily play his cards right to avoid losing his fortune and gaining more from others. Choices are everywhere waiting for you to decide and so you have to rationalize your risks and still pray it’s the right one. Anyone who would expect to go through life making all the right choices is either in dreamland or plain insane.

          Sometimes I used to wish that I didn’t have to make all the choices because then I would have someone to blame for its repercussions. I get so worried thinking of what to choose, what will happen if I choose what I chose especially if the choice has to be made in a short time. Man spends so much time worrying about his choices that he sometimes refuses to make a choice until forced to. Sometimes I imagine that I don’t have to make a choice especially when it’s a tough decision, I believe it  and sometimes it feels so good but it doest last too long and then again comes the restless nights and constant worrying.

        I will love to  be brave enough to tell you to stop worrying about all your choices and that it will be alright but as physics says `for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction’ so that would be a lie. Rationalizing doesn’t always work so the only thing I can tell you now is that it is alright not to always make right choices and anytime you make a wrong choice, trace your steps and start over.

No hat down to salute

This old man with no flute

 A boring old man they say

Like one made of dry hay

But as I hear from the hearsay

The old man is not one to mingle

They say “that’s why he’s still single”

But what can I do if it’s true

Just hopes he gets a crew

To spend Saturday night with at evening bay

At least then he won’t be gay

But when he’s gone to the grave

                                                          They’ll say “he’s all but brave”

watch out for this upcoming movies his year.there is so much to watch

LiCrouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Sequel to Shoot in May

Source: Deadline
January 24, 2013

  

  

An as-of-yet-untitled sequel to Ang Lee's 2000 martial arts fantasy,Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, is slated to begin production in May.Deadline brings word that The Weinstein Company will produce with a script from John Fusco (Forbidden Kingdom) with Ronny Yu in talks to direct.

While Crouching Tiger was based on the fourth book in Wang Du Lu's Crane-Iron series, it is said that this film will follow the fifth book, Silver Vase, Iron Knight, which continues the adventures of Yu Shu Lien (played by Michelle Yeoh in Lee's film). At this time, it is unknown whether she or any other Crouching Tiger talent will be returning.

Yu is best known for films like Freddy vs. Jason, Bride of Chucky and, most recently, the Jet Li martial arts film Fearless.

fe would be much easier.

 A Good Day to Die Hard

Release Date: February 13, 2013 (10pm; 2D theaters and IMAX)
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Director: John Moore
Screenwriter: Skip Woods
Starring: Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Sebastian Koch, Yulia Snigir, Cole Hauser, Amaury Nolasco, Megalyn Echikunwoke, Anne Vyalitsyna
Genre: Action, Adventure
MPAA Rating: R (for violence and language)
Official Website: DieHardmovie.com | Facebook
Review: Not Available
DVD Review: Not Available
DVD: Not Available
Movie Poster: Not Available
Production Stills: View here

Plot Summary: Since the first "Die Hard" in 1988, John McClane has found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the skills and attitude to always be the last man standing, making him enemy #1 for terrorists the world over. Now, McClane faces his greatest challenge ever, this time on an international stage, when his estranged son Jack is caught up in the daring prison escape of a rogue Russian leader, and father and son McClane must work together to keep each other alive and keep the world safe for democracy.

 I understand what it feels like to not be able to explain to your mum how much something because she refuses to understand that life is not the same way it was when she was younger. It just gets frustrating when they expect you to think the way they think without giving thought to your feelings or emotions. Sometimes you feel “ahh I just hate my folks, can’t they see that they are ruining my life.”

     Truth be told, life gets harder for a parent when their child becomes a teenager, we tend to become curious, strong-headed, rebellious. We have feelings and want to be a part of something, we want to create a pace, and at that time the rest of our lives (doesn’t exist),we want to have fun, have experience, go wild, try things, make mistakes, learn(we want to have a life).But then our parents don’t understand how much we are growing. It’s like they don’t trust us to act as mature as they’ve taught us to. It’s like they expect us to be perfect and make no mistakes in life. They hold themselves responsible for our actions completely forgetting how different our idea about life is. I wish all parents would loosen up and accept who we want to be. Life would be much easier.

famous quotes

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”

― Steve Martin

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”

― Albert Einstein

I’m bore-------------------d

Can’t stand another second in here

It’s like the air-conditioner went off

And the heat went up

My eyes roll in desperation

Tired of hearing the same things

I’ve spent 30 minutes in this class

Yet it feels like three centuries went by

All I hear is crap

BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!

She goes on and on in class

Telling us about things we really don’t care about

Can’t say I’ve heard a single word

Yet it’s still far from over

I see her lips move on and on

Showing the class phrase by phrase

But my mind refuses to register a word

And from time to time

I watch the clock

Can’t wait for the bell to go off

And release me from this lost battle

let's be frank everyone expects us to be perfect because they don't like the stress of dealing with our imperfection. but we cant be both smart and brilliant. sometimes  even our friends don't even understand the depth of our feeling. so in many ways our teachers are the best thing in our lives. they are trained to be patient with our imperfections and groom us towards perfection. seriously do yo know how hard it is to teach a  three year old about words. its so frustrating.
NEXT TIME YOU SEE YOUR TEACHER, LET THEM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE THAT THEY CARE.

its so unfortunate and when you think about it inhumane but for now its absolutely neccessary

finding my first love

       His love for me has always been as sweet as honey and as beautiful as a daisy. I wake up each day knowing that I am so loved and I have to wonder how lucky I am. His love is something I can’t explain and i am so full of it yet it refuses to end. It’s more than a tingling in my bones and it causes more than a blush on my cheekbones. It sends a vibration through me. This love is one I've known since my first breath. I've known it for so long and yet cannot comprehend its depth or its meaning. This is the story of my first love... He is my one and only. He gave me all of him which was more than I could ask because he is without end. He is eternity and all. All he asked of me was for me to give him all of me. As an innocent child, it was no big deal because my love for him was limitless and full of life. I was ready to give him all that is mine.my love for him was selfless because I had no obligations or entitlement. I had no responsibilities and my heart was free. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I grew up. I gained the wisdom of the world and lost interest in his teaching. I was given responsibilities that fill me day and night. I did things i claimed to be of importance. I've seen vain and craved for it. Now I've tasted the sweet wine of temptation. Now I have things to feel my day and night. And I still want his love. I want to feel his arm upon me and know that am safe. I want to wake each day filled with the peace he gives. I know it’s selfish and greedy but I want all of him and all he can give me at no cost. But yet he still asks his same old question. Will you give me all? Will you be my love? Now I have no time to love him the way I used to. No time to give him my all. I want something’s to remain unchanged but then there is a friction in our love. His love seems not as honey or as a daisy but as possessive as a jealous lover and as painful as a jilted ex-husband.

      While I was young, I wanted all that he could give me. We used to be so close and our connection was strong but now I feel so far from. I feel like I've lost a part of me and I feel his love gazing at me, still I cannot accept it. So I cover my sadness and emptiness with all the world has to offer. But this space in my heart expands with each passing day.

       Now I reflect on my life. My history and story lacks value and person. I am not as I planned. During my journey, I had dropped my vision and I've lost touch of my mission. I have forgotten my promise to my betrothed. All in a bid to gain acceptance and love from the things which I only see and yet I knew it is temporary. I am lost deep in the jungle of the world with no direction or compass. NOW I WANT MY LOVE BACK. I WANT IT ALL. I want that peace that he gave. I want to take back that which is mine. I want to wake up singing his love. I want to taste his wisdom on my lips. I want to feel him all over me. He alone is my compass in confusion, the rhythm of my song, the beat of my heart.  He is my soul and my song, my light in this darkness.  And only through him shall I escape. So I cry to him. I call for my first love. The love that set me on fire as a child and drove me insane with peace so beautiful I can’t explain. I see his light on a narrow path and I am assured of no harm even in the wilderness of despair.

    I run into my love’s open arms and I feel him once more. More than I imagined. Can’t believe he still loves. And now he loves me even more. I will jump and shout at the top of my voice, for I am not ashamed of who I am or who my lover is. Because with him I am more than I hope to be. Love you Jesus 

to save a life

 I watched “To save a life” for the second time and cried again but I’m determined to be brave so I watch it again. I must confess that it’s one of the heart wrenching stories I completely enjoy. Anyways it’s been over a month since I wrote my last article and trust me when I say I have been completely busy. There so much school work and so much books and so much to do and read. Made a whole lot of friends since the last time and in so many ways I’m not the same. I’ve already done some outrageous things I doubt I’ll ever forget and I swear I don’t regret them.

         Suicide is such a strong word. And it gets me anytime I see stories on it.  I must confess I am a lot weaker than I appear to be. So the idea of death scares the hell out of me. And the idea of suicide is even scarier. I used to wonder why but it took me an experience to understand.  There are so many reasons to commit suicide and there are so many reasons not to. In more ways than we know we are all equal. We all have feelings emotions and challenges and there’s the problem of insecurities, responsibility and choices

And sometimes we make some choices that cause everything to fall apart and we don’t want the pain anymore. We don’t want the blame. And dying is like the only way out. Now talk about being a coward. A wise man once said and I quote;

               “Dying is easy, have the courage to live”

I love everyone around me being completely happy because I know how sadness feels. It’s like an empty feeling in my tummy, only nothing can fill it. Sometimes I cry in hopes that it will go away but it just hurts even more. Other times I cry but there are no tears. I just have this feeling that everything would go wrong and then there was the absence of self-respect and low self-esteem. There used to be times when I would hold on to every minute of laughter because for no reason at all I just get sad. But that was then. My story is one I enjoy telling cause now I laugh too much I hardly have time to be sad except now. Cause all the emotions are back.

Everyone tells you they understand or tell you to take it a day at a time. They just don’t know how it hurts. The guilt, anger, sadness and pain are all mixed together and like venom are eating your inside and at a point, you consider yourself a walking corpse. I always felt alone and thought no one understood what I felt or how much pain and sadness I have seen. But the truth is that nothing is new under the sun. Whatever you think you’ve been through, I want you to know that there are others who have seen worse

    My pastor loved to tell us a joke about a man who went to the forest to commit suicide but then a naked man caught him and asked for his clothes before he died. That was what saved that man. The understanding that there were other situations worse than his could ever be. There was a time I considered myself strange because of the things I thought because I felt that no one else did that. Then one day I got talking with a very good friend of mine and I realized how wrong I was and it changed my perspective on life.

 What you don’t know is what has the capacity to kill you. I want you to understand that there is nothing bad enough to make you want to kill yourself. That all depends on you, whatever your reason, it is not enough to want you to kill yourself.  What could you probably justify as your reason.

 Don’t say its loneliness cause you could get a friend. I used to believe that I was unloved and even wrote many songs about it, but it changed when I realized that if felt unloved it was my fault. There is no way you could ever be unloved except you are not lovable.

Even peer pressure or bullying is never a reason for a suicide mission. I watched cyber bully about 2-3 months ago and I was touched at the brutality of the human mind. We sometimes do or say things we not necessarily mean and then we can’t take it back or we don’t even realize how badly it hurts. Hearing lies being said about you to your face must be heartbreaking especially if it damages your good image and you can’t do anything about it. Yet it is no reason to feel yourself with constant self-pity and threaten to kill yourself with a goodbye message in hopes that the truth will be seen by your act. You want to believe that you are a martyr. NO it doesn’t work that way. It just makes you seem weak and crazy. You are just so afraid to face all the lies and you choose to run. Family problems and you chose to die simply because e you are afraid of facing them. Constant threats are not even a reason because you have to remember that change is the only thing constant. Even if you chose to stay the way you are, change will change you. You could never be on a spot forever. You have to take a step. Forward or backward it’s you choice

LIGHT AND DARKNESS

At my point of delusion

When it seems all gone

All my fears wash away

Into the torrent of the ocean

I feel at peace

For the first time

I am who I want to be

I am where I am born to be

I fear my dreams

And wish my illusions were real

And in my evasive world

Reality is my nightmare

A sentence to death be damned

I will struggle to make this my truth

I have but one regret

That my family suffers for my retreat

Hauling away day by day

But who will revive it

I see their rage over my disorder

T’was love that set me apart

And pulled me from reality

But for their sake

I must return back to the world I once knew

I must fight this virus

That disturbs my mind I must return to you my lovers

torched by rage

In your fury you were consumed

Torched by the might of your hand

Locked away in your shadows

By a strange rage that took hold of you

I want to cover the blame

For you acted in the cloudiness of your mind

In anger that obscured your reasoning

What fuelled up the furnace

I have no knowledge of

But I know of your heart’s recompense

Yet they seek to cart you away

Exert their revenge on you

Take you to where you can’t explode

And shut that fire anyway possible

I wish to save you from their hands

But your actions justify you not

Nor your act of anger and fury

You have given your accusers a pass

Now they tread on your anger

Despite your soberness or words of peace

They wish to shut you out completely

In all my wisdom and kindness

Even I cannot save you from the upshot of your fury

Too bad the jury finds you guilty

suicide and us

 I watched “To save a life” for the second time and cried again but I’m determined to be brave so I watch it again. I must confess that it’s one of the heart wrenching stories I completely enjoy. Anyways it’s been over a month since I wrote my last article and trust me when I say I have been completely busy. There so much school work and so much books and so much to do and read. Made a whole lot of friends since the last time and in so many ways I’m not the same. I’ve already done some outrageous things I doubt I’ll ever forget and I swear I don’t regret them.

         Suicide is such a strong word. And it gets me anytime I see stories on it.  I must confess I am a lot weaker than I appear to be. So the idea of death scares the hell out of me. And the idea of suicide is even scarier. I used to wonder why but it took me an experience to understand.  There are so many reasons to commit suicide and there are so many reasons not to. In more ways than we know we are all equal. We all have feelings emotions and challenges and there’s the problem of insecurities, responsibility and choices

And sometimes we make some choices that cause everything to fall apart and we don’t want the pain anymore. We don’t want the blame. And dying is like the only way out. Now talk about being a coward. A wise man once said and I quote;

               “Dying is easy, have the courage to live”

I love everyone around me being completely happy because I know how sadness feels. It’s like an empty feeling in my tummy, only nothing can fill it. Sometimes I cry in hopes that it will go away but it just hurts even more. Other times I cry but there are no tears. I just have this feeling that everything would go wrong and then there was the absence of self-respect and low self-esteem. There used to be times when I would hold on to every minute of laughter because for no reason at all I just get sad. But that was then. My story is one I enjoy telling cause now I laugh too much I hardly have time to be sad except now. Cause all the emotions are back.

Everyone tells you they understand or tell you to take it a day at a time. They just don’t know how it hurts. The guilt, anger, sadness and pain are all mixed together and like venom are eating your inside and at a point, you consider yourself a walking corpse. I always felt alone and thought no one understood what I felt or how much pain and sadness I have seen. But the truth is that nothing is new under the sun. Whatever you think you’ve been through, I want you to know that there are others who have seen worse

    My pastor loved to tell us a joke about a man who went to the forest to commit suicide but then a naked man caught him and asked for his clothes before he died. That was what saved that man. The understanding that there were other situations worse than his could ever be. There was a time I considered myself strange because of the things I thought because I felt that no one else did that. Then one day I got talking with a very good friend of mine and I realized how wrong I was and it changed my perspective on life.

 What you don’t know is what has the capacity to kill you. I want you to understand that there is nothing bad enough to make you want to kill yourself. That all depends on you, whatever your reason, it is not enough to want you to kill yourself.  What could you probably justify as your reason.

 Don’t say its loneliness cause you could get a friend. I used to believe that I was unloved and even wrote many songs about it, but it changed when I realized that if felt unloved it was my fault. There is no way you could ever be unloved except you are not lovable.

Even peer pressure or bullying is never a reason for a suicide mission. I watched cyber bully about 2-3 months ago and I was touched at the brutality of the human mind. We sometimes do or say things we not necessarily mean and then we can’t take it back or we don’t even realize how badly it hurts. Hearing lies being said about you to your face must be heartbreaking especially if it damages your good image and you can’t do anything about it. Yet it is no reason to feel yourself with constant self-pity and threaten to kill yourself with a goodbye message in hopes that the truth will be seen by your act. You want to believe that you are a martyr. NO it doesn’t work that way. It just makes you seem weak and crazy. You are just so afraid to face all the lies and you choose to run. Family problems and you chose to die simply because e you are afraid of facing them. Constant threats are not even a reason because you have to remember that change is the only thing constant. Even if you chose to stay the way you are, change will change you. You could never be on a spot forever. You have to take a step. Forward or backward it’s you choice

suicide and us

 I watched “To save a life” for the second time and cried again but I’m determined to be brave so I watch it again. I must confess that it’s one of the heart wrenching stories I completely enjoy. Anyways it’s been over a month since I wrote my last article and trust me when I say I have been completely busy. There so much school work and so much books and so much to do and read. Made a whole lot of friends since the last time and in so many ways I’m not the same. I’ve already done some outrageous things I doubt I’ll ever forget and I swear I don’t regret them.

         Suicide is such a strong word. And it gets me anytime I see stories on it.  I must confess I am a lot weaker than I appear to be. So the idea of death scares the hell out of me. And the idea of suicide is even scarier. I used to wonder why but it took me an experience to understand.  There are so many reasons to commit suicide and there are so many reasons not to. In more ways than we know we are all equal. We all have feelings emotions and challenges and there’s the problem of insecurities, responsibility and choices

And sometimes we make some choices that cause everything to fall apart and we don’t want the pain anymore. We don’t want the blame. And dying is like the only way out. Now talk about being a coward. A wise man once said and I quote;

               “Dying is easy, have the courage to live”

I love everyone around me being completely happy because I know how sadness feels. It’s like an empty feeling in my tummy, only nothing can fill it. Sometimes I cry in hopes that it will go away but it just hurts even more. Other times I cry but there are no tears. I just have this feeling that everything would go wrong and then there was the absence of self-respect and low self-esteem. There used to be times when I would hold on to every minute of laughter because for no reason at all I just get sad. But that was then. My story is one I enjoy telling cause now I laugh too much I hardly have time to be sad except now. Cause all the emotions are back.

Everyone tells you they understand or tell you to take it a day at a time. They just don’t know how it hurts. The guilt, anger, sadness and pain are all mixed together and like venom are eating your inside and at a point, you consider yourself a walking corpse. I always felt alone and thought no one understood what I felt or how much pain and sadness I have seen. But the truth is that nothing is new under the sun. Whatever you think you’ve been through, I want you to know that there are others who have seen worse

    My pastor loved to tell us a joke about a man who went to the forest to commit suicide but then a naked man caught him and asked for his clothes before he died. That was what saved that man. The understanding that there were other situations worse than his could ever be. There was a time I considered myself strange because of the things I thought because I felt that no one else did that. Then one day I got talking with a very good friend of mine and I realized how wrong I was and it changed my perspective on life.

 What you don’t know is what has the capacity to kill you. I want you to understand that there is nothing bad enough to make you want to kill yourself. That all depends on you, whatever your reason, it is not enough to want you to kill yourself.  What could you probably justify as your reason.

 Don’t say its loneliness cause you could get a friend. I used to believe that I was unloved and even wrote many songs about it, but it changed when I realized that if felt unloved it was my fault. There is no way you could ever be unloved except you are not lovable.

Even peer pressure or bullying is never a reason for a suicide mission. I watched cyber bully about 2-3 months ago and I was touched at the brutality of the human mind. We sometimes do or say things we not necessarily mean and then we can’t take it back or we don’t even realize how badly it hurts. Hearing lies being said about you to your face must be heartbreaking especially if it damages your good image and you can’t do anything about it. Yet it is no reason to feel yourself with constant self-pity and threaten to kill yourself with a goodbye message in hopes that the truth will be seen by your act. You want to believe that you are a martyr. NO it doesn’t work that way. It just makes you seem weak and crazy. You are just so afraid to face all the lies and you choose to run. Family problems and you chose to die simply because e you are afraid of facing them. Constant threats are not even a reason because you have to remember that change is the only thing constant. Even if you chose to stay the way you are, change will change you. You could never be on a spot forever. You have to take a step. Forward or backward it’s you choice

THE DRAMA OF HIGH SCHOOL

Think about it, high school is like the most fun phase of life. It’s   where the drama all begins, where the party starts to get better and where you actually find yourself and realize your strengths and weaknesses. It’s like the foundation for your whole life so don’t let it get screwed.

    Every group, state, country have their own values, unique rules and interpretation of things but yet they’ll always have something in common. I’m an African and won’t deny that our cultures, setups and values are different but the drama is still the same. What’s the difference  there’s the cliques ‘ the constant bragging, the endless arguing, usual fights between best friends ,the backstabbing, the friendship and boyfriend issues, the usual harassment due to  size and beliefs…I mean its endless sometimes its like a game of survival of the fittest but that the fun part right.

 The peer pressure is the same everywhere so here’s some advice .stand up for what you believe in and remember to always hold your head up high. This is the beginning of your life don’t let it be regrettable.  It’s your life take it into your hands and mold it as you want.

  If you’re the girl who is constantly harassed shake it off take control of your little time and if you stop listening or pretend not to they will leave you alone

They say love makes the world go round

They say is the strongest force on earth

They say love is the light in the dark

And love is to share as feet is to move

They say love heals curses

And can turn a slave to a prince

But what is this love

Is it the sacrifice of a father

Or the escape of lovers

Or the pressure of peers

I have tried in so many ways

To understand what philosophers say

On the body of love

They too seem without words

Can this love

Ever be understood